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June 8, 2003

Why I Won't Be Seeing 'Charlie's Angels'

I knew it would come to this. Being bombarded by material from the new Charlie’s Angels movie. You know I thought the first movie was good, and I watched the tv show, but I’ve got a problem with Drew Barrymore playing the role of an action hero.

If you missed it, way back in October of 2001, with anthrax alerts in the air, Drew was hosting Saturday Night Live. And there was a report that someone in the building had received a letter containing anthrax. 

And everyone left the building including Drew, who, reports had it, ran from the building crying. And it took them hours to coax her back into the building, long after all the regular workers had gone in.  

And so now I’m supposed to watch her beat up bad guys. I’ll not have it.

You know the arabs poke fun at American society.. how we have all these fake movie star heroes. And I don’t believe that’s true, I think we have a lot of real heroes but if there is a problem, Drew Barrymore is in my opinion the epitome of that problem.  

And I don’t think I’m being sexist, because I know if it had been Sylvester Stalone who had run from the building crying, and it took hours to coax him back in, I’d never want to see the guy in another action movie. Or Schwartzeneger or anyone else.  

I mean I understand running from the building. But don’t cry. Or if you’re going to cry, just don’t do action movies again where you beat up bad guys.

I know what’s going to happen on this one. My daughter is going to have my wife BUY the movie, and I’ll be treated to it on a non-stop basis, every night when I come home from work.

I just hope Drew isn’t beating up arab terrorists, because that’ll cause me to puke on the spot. Hopefully she’ll just be kicking the crap out of Deemi More (or Demi Moore if you mispronounce it). That would have been fun to watch 8 years ago when everyone was sick of seeing Deemi Moore in the movies, but now she’s grown on me again so I’m not sure if I’d even want to see that. Unless a lot of clothes get ripped off.  

I hope they have some fun with it – have Drew be a real tough cookie, but when someone opens up an envelope containing a white powdery substance, she runs away crying or something. I’d buy that. Would be funny.

--LouV