deep fear of oversexed broads who refer to themselves using initials.
I don't like how the term "ASAP" which
is supposed to mean "as soon as possible," has come to mean:
Do it now! I interpret "as soon as possible" to mean, "when you have the first
chance," not necessarily "right away." So many fucks send faxes that say on the
bottom, "ASAP!" like that is supposed to light a welder's torch fire under your
ass. Not under mine. Therefore, may I propose when someone wants something done
"right away," they use those goddamn words, or use "AFAP" - as FAST as possible.
I hate that crap. Please try to get this passed along to all those duds who use
"ASAP" thinking it's going to put a rocket on someone's ass.
you know that you canít wear a Boston Sucks t-shirt at Yankee Stadium anymore?
New rule took effect in 2002 Ė part of Major League Baseballís new Family
Decency Act. The act started in Seattle [more]
The troubling practice of inattentive mothers pushing their strollers into traffic from between parked cars.
"Calcutta Express" - Rush hour PATH trains swarmed by Indian immigrants who insist on cramming themselves into the overcrowded cars. They are "pressing" their luck because at the end of a long day, people don't need too much pushing to push back. Maybe it works in Calcutta, where they are stuffing cows and livestock into the cars, and hanging from roof and rafters. But as Dickie says to these people when they start getting too personal: "back off! There's another
effin' train in 2 minutes!"
Phonetic - and correct - spelling of frequently misspelled word, "canoe."
[see also Wapht]
The only time I
might use the word "crap" is if I was describing someone
and wrote something like, "he was an imperious and snooty
bastard, thinking he's been crapping in the executive washroom since
he's been out of diapers." I think there it could be
effective, a better word to use in that sentence than
Go Big Butt!
Friendly greeting to large (usually black) woman.
St. Patrick did not intentionally drive the snakes out of Ireland
by waving his arms, he had a bad case of the dt's. That's a
are when you get the real bad shakes from excessive boozing.
Obviously that's a gratuitous shot at the Micks and St Pat in
particular the juicing bastard.
dt's is an acronym for "delirium tremors" I think. I
like that word "tremors". It got them snakes out of
Ireland. We have people here at APT who shake like fucking
leaves in a hurricane it's a goddamn hoot.
would like to be a Fly by Night. I don't know why this term has developed such a
derogatory meaning over the years. Flying by night seems the only way to fly,
and the preferred way to get something done. Come in out of the darkness, do
your thing, and then you're gone. Gone before anyone noticed you were ever
there. The hallmark of Navy Seals, although they don't necessarily fly.
Swimming by night seems dangerous because you don't know what lurks in
the dark water.
anyone like the word, "feet," and where did this dorky word come from
anyway? We have one hand and two hands, one eyeball and two eyeballs, etc. We
have one nut and two balls. With our toeholders, though, it's one foot, and two
feet? Says who?
"feet" itself has a screechy blackboard sound to it, on top of it
being completely unrelated to the singular "foot." From here forward,
I am never going to use the word "feet" whether it be as a body part
or as a unit of measurement. I am boycotting that annoying word in favor of the
correct usage of "foots." Two hands, two foots. 3 foots equals one
yard. I am 5 foots 11 inches
we're on the topic, what's the story with "teeth?" One tooth, 2 teeth?
Oh, yeah - how come? Not any more - it's "tooths." You
can slangalize tooths to "toofs" or "toofers" without
incurring a usage penalty. The beauty of foots and toofs is that they are a
palindrome, a bonus, so in effect you can use them interchangeably with only a
small usage penalty, to wit: "He stuck his toofs in his foots" (He bit
his foots.) Also, "He stuck his foots in his toofs." (Put his foot in
is not proper to slangalize "foots" to "foofs" as the Acorn
is trying to introduce the word "foofs" as a definition for a female
body part to be mentioned at a later date. The singular of "foofs" is
of course "foo." Explanations to follow.
probably a conventional explanation for the origin of the words "feet"
and "teeth," but you'll never convince the Acorn. Given the way other
body parts are pluralized, this is an argument that wins "hands",
"foots", or "toofs" down every time.
Overly small elevator which forces undesired intimacy; or, depending on the fellow passenger(s), intimidation (Intimi- vator). E.g. - elevators at LouV's 2 Rector Street, NYC building.
"Like I give a
Jeremiah Healy - Mayor of Jersey City, New Jersey.
Sometime in May or April. Coined by Ted Leo at
next great wave of change to the English language. Herewith called
"Physical English"; the only thing I'm confused about is why
it hasn't already been invented in the hundreds of years that the
English language has been around. [more]
Old-style -- often ornate
-- male urinals that are tall (floor to chin or higher) and wide (broader than your shoulders). Increasingly and unfortunately rarer and rarer. Often found in un-renovated bars and office buildings
(for example, offices at 11 Park Place, NYC; Grape Vine bar in Jersey City, NJ). Piss Castles are to dinky wall-mounted, water-saving urinals what 747s are to model airplanes. Piss Castles are contradictory: if you approach one while drinking, they offer an easy target, but then you might horrifically stagger into one and never be seen again.
Stupid" vs "Bad Form"
it be "Bad Form" or "Just Plain Stupid" to ask one of
the attractive HR reps if the company medical plan covers PES --
Penile Enlargement Surgery?
puzzling, endless fascination with port-o-sans or port-o-potties.
Scooter-borne Jersey City parking enforcement staff (usually Hispanic) which randomly and arbitrarily enforce parking laws. You can park in a reasonable spot near a corner for weeks - months - without getting a ticket, but there will come a day when a scootie-bandootie will get you.
Urban lingo uttered by agitated
Un-aimed male ejaculate, often
groin-hocked [see also groin-hocking].
or Not Profane
today's e-literate world, wherein e-mailers hiding behind keyboard and monitor
dash off notes, missives, massives, blurbs, blabs, and other flighty fancies via
e-mail, it's not uncommon for these messages to contain profanity. Woman's
e-mails that contain dirty words, filthy language, and suggestive suggestions
and outright demands for sexual attention are especially appealing. But for the
most part, bad language -- as opposed to more commonly dispersed off-color jokes
-- is usually found in guy e-mails. This is not to argue for or against using
profanity in e-mails, but rather to propose that if anyone is going to use
profanity in their e-mail, don't just throw out an occasional jarring
"fuck" in the eemer. A single instance of profanity in an otherwise
lucid e-mail serves to call attention to the writer's inability to form a
strong, coherent, and bilious passion for a topic, with a corresponding decline
in the readers' interest as well.
good profanity demands that you spew out an eye-tearing and troubling stream of
vile discourse which not only gets your readers' attention, but hopefully causes
them to block your eemer from even reaching their e-box. Better to let the
readers know right up front that something has you so sputteringly apoplectic
that the only way to express yourself is with graphically uncouth words and
horribly distasteful sexual and evacuative references. And in the end, the
offended -- those semen-gargling and discharging pricks, with their sense of
righteousness stinking like longly unwashed genitalia and bodily discharge
outlets, can go take a fucking hike down a shit-strewn pier into a vat of
An inflatable watercraft sometimes spelled "raft."
(Waphty): person who uses inflatable watercraft. [see also Canoo]
White Man's Hello
is a very "cool" brother, Clyde, from Trinidad, a co-worker, who
this morning while getting coffee by my cubicle greeted me thus: "Hey
ol' buddy ol' pal of mine" which coming from a cat like Clyde sounded
really really strange. I reply, "what the hell kind of greeting
is that?" He goes, "that's the white man's greeting.
That's how the white man greets one another." He's right! So I
say, "How does the black man greet each other?" Another
correct and funny response: "Yo, yo, yo!" Clyde knows his shit.
Going forward, I have to say "good morning" to Clyde by saying,
"Yo, yo, yo!"