By Dick Acorn

It is utter madness to attend a live football game on Sundays when you should be home in you hearth nursing hangover and woody while reclining in the comfort of your own peed-in barcolounger.  PS  I predict the Vikings will NOT win the Super Bowl this year, or any other year through eternity.  I woke up about 4am this morning lying on Jefferson Avenue next to the reservoir, with my pants wet.  There is an abandoned pick-up truck on Jefferson -- with Texas license plates -- which has been sitting there for months.  There is no street-sweeping on this part of Jefferson since this areas is still under development so to speak.  

Anyway, I was sleeping peacefully next to this truck for some drunken reason.  I wish I could meet the broad who owned this vehicle, because painted all over it are pro-marijuana slogans, and I gather that the truck is/was owned by a broad because in prominent letters on the tailgate is "Medical Marijuana Barbi."  I was covered in grass and mosquito bites.  I was at the new "Full Moon" on New York Avenue (formerly Teachers) last nite, trying to pick up a very large dyke who appeared "cute." There were no pay-per-dos evident which is just as well; I drank up my entire cash reserve, buying drinks like a fucking wanton tycoon. It only took me half-hour to find my truck this morning, I was walking in ever-widening circles until VIOLA! there it was on Oakland Avenue, all windows open to let in the fresh air.  

For a while there I thought I had parked it in someone's driveway and it had been towed to god knows where.  Thank god my wallet and all cash (three crumpled, soggy singles and some spare change) were intact when I awoke on my weedy-peedy bed.  My boss keeps calling me from home, the annoying fuck; can't he leave me alone to my eemers?  

What a fucking doosh, calling me to do things.  And it's not like they really need doing, either; I work for a printing company for chrissakes and I don't know a fucking thing about printing and neither does my boss, although he would deny this assertion and would be lying in the process.