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August 2, 2000 GOP Night 2 Before providing impressions of the second night of the GOP’s convention, a good start to get warmed up would be to totally trash ABC’s “coverage” of the nominating event. On Monday night, ABC left the stirring end of Colin Powell’s speech – ostensibly because it was coming up on 11pm and they had to throw the network back to local. It was a slap in the face to the GOP, because ABC knows darn well that Colin Powell helps the GOP capture minority and especially black votes. But they didn’t just leave Powell and go to local, they gave the audience five minutes of that little dick-wrangling sperm-gargler, George Stephanopoulos, and the flighty and breathless “Kookie Roberts.” As if anything these two “media elites” had to say was more important than letting their audience listen to Powell directly and form their own impressions.
To their credit, usually liberal PBS is doing a fair-handed and fair-minded job of showing all of the speeches in thier entirely. Notwithstanding the smily-faced and bloopy commentary purring from the lips of Michael Beschloss and Doris Kearns-Goodwin (please let the rumors begin right here that LBJ bagged this mop-headed strump). Mark Shields, Paul Gigot, and Jim Lehrer himself have all run rings and roseys around ABC’s media celebrity egomaniacs. You can just picture all of the ABC on-camera commentators carefully calculating the amount of airtime they’re getting. If it’s more than 1-second, by god, it’s too much. Let the story tell itself, you dimwits! ABC also innocuously invited Newt Gingrich and George W.’s nephew onto the program to be interviewed while the speakers were speaking. Both of these men should have declined being interviewed by ABC while important speeches were being delivered on the floor. Like anyone wants to watch Newt or George W.’s nephew when the attractive national security whiz Condi Rice is talking missile defense! Come ON! Let’s see how much face time ABC’s on-site media personalities hog during the Demos convention in L.A. If they choose to let the Demos get their message across from the podium instead of in the background while that fake-haired weasel Sam Donaldson drones on about how “phony” the Dem convention is – as he’s doing with the GOP. Objective my ass, and Sammy-boy, you can kiss that hairy sucker. Apart from ABC’s to-be-expected selective and slanted “coverage” the GOP had a another fine night, rolling out some Big Guns to reiterate the party’s strong ongoing commitment to a strongly defended America. The night’s theme was a reminder to Americans that no matter how well we think we’re doing, no matter how high the stock market flies, we’re only one undefended nuker missile away from obliteration. America has so much to protect – why aren’t we protecting it to the max? You tell me, you head-up-your-ass Luddite Demos. You tell me!
And whomever’s head didn’t crack, Norm would do sudden-death headbutts with that guy and present SecDef Mark Cohen, who is more concerned with his helmet-hair than military readiness. You can be sure he spends more time pondering if each of his hairs is in place, as opposed to maybe overseeing a missile defense program. Norm is a helluva shitkicker, he is as sharp as Powell but he uses the intimidation factor so much more effectively. During the introduction for Bob Dole – who was likely giving the last big speech in the political spotlight - all of his many accomplishments were mentioned, except they might’ve added at the end, “and Viagra spokesman!” That would’ve bought the house down and won the GOP the elderly women vote; all of those creaky old broads out there finally getting much needed wood implants because their husbands figured if Bob Dole can go on TV and plug the Pecker Pepper, sure as shit these wee-men could go ahead and take the stuff. Bless Bob Dole for his fine speech saluting WW2 vets, but more critically, give the guy a major backslap for reinvigorating geriatric bedrooms across the land. He’s almost done as much for aging W2 vets plugging the Pecker Pill than he has in any other capacity. And he’s making a buck doing it. Pseudo-Republican and out-the-side-of-the mouth speaking George Pataki – even he couldn’t foul up the nostalgic and warm look back on the living Republican presidents. In attendance were Gerald Ford, looking like he could use a visit to his wife’s clinic. What hair he still has was blow-dried into a bozo look and godammit, the red nose looked all too appropriate! But he deserves a ton of praise for his understated and steady stewardship of the Presidency after the Nixon swanny. Who gives a hoot if he does look like an elderly Fred Flintstone. Bless you Gerry. And the Reagan tribute with Nancy in attendance, how does that woman stay so thin? Never mind, it was hard to keep the waterworks in check as the big screen relived the finest moments – and there are so so many - of the Reagan Revolution.. Frankly, the waterworks flowed freely as I remember those halcyon eight years, the decade in our 20’s. Ronnie we may hardly know ye any more, but sir, you are the pinnacle of American optimism and sticktoitiveness. You knew what needed to be done – bankrupt the Russkies, shove nuke missiles up their Euro-kazoo, and make their own nukes susceptible to being blasted from god’s good sky. Three for three on that score, Ronnie. And a tax cut to boot. Frankly an over-governed nation shouldn’t ask for more than these gifts you bestowed. Where have you gone, Ronnie Reaganite, a nation turns it’s grateful eyes to you, ohh, hoo, hoo, ohh, hoo hoo. What’s that you say, Ronnie Reaganite, don’t you know the Reds have gone away, hey, hey, hey… The tears are flowing freely; but he is at peace, he is at rest in these final silent years. And he has the still lovely Nancy caring for him, watching over him like an angel. Barbara Bush appeared briefly, she is America’s Queen Mum. Babs looks great, dynamite, as if like England’s Queen Mum she was packing away some premium gin. You lucky old lady drinking that good stuff! And Liddy Dole, Bob’s wife, again a Viagra mention might’ve livened things up a bit, but Liddy spoke of the need for a “moral defense” of America, a much-needed reclamation of public service decency. Then it was the George W’s possible pick for National Security Advisor, and W introduced his friend and campaign foreign affairs advisor, the lovely and super-smart Condoleeza Rice. A damn fine-looking African-American woman from Alabama poverty who through grit and solid family values has achieved her way nearly to the very top of some of the most critical National Defense posts in government. She speaks Russian, and she knows nukes like few people know nukes, and she expounds some of the most ear-pleasing missile defense arguments a defense fanatic can stand. Her voice is a lovely mix of “highbrain highpitch” and some of her pronunciations tingle your spine. In a word, she’s dreamy! She is one of the very very rare women who you think you can have an enlightening conversation with before you know what. Rice’s speech demonstrated that you don’t need to be a Great White Male to understand the nature of the military and economic threats that “good times”-focused America still faces. Condi, be my Valentine!
He kept his tongue on campaign finance, and was as-expected chided by the ABC nitwits for abandoning his (bullshit anyway) “Straight-talk Express.” But in his heart he did his duty, for the party sure, but mainly as he said himself, “I support George W. Bush for President because he will be good for the country. This almost wipes the slate clean in this book on McCain’s Keating Five moola-monger scandal. Finally, one can only hope the Demos will borrow the GOP’s hugely appealing tribute to past party behemoths by trotting out Walter Monday, Mike Dukakis, and Jimmy Carter. Let’s see if they have the confidence and class for such a caring gesture. No, they are stuck with their goo-goo idol, BJ Bill Clinton and Woody Woodhead Algore; these are the only guys the vast scrum of the American Democratic party can worship in Los Angeles. What a contrast to the GOP.
--Dick Acorn |
