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December 3, 2004

21st Century Steroid Man

And so the truth is out -- Jason Giambi is a Steroid Man. This explains the Incredible Hulk figure, all those balls he blasted into outer space, and the post-steroid trim down and injuries. And all those other guys like Mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa, and Barry Bonds, steroid men too, who blew away the old home run records and made the baseball supermen of old look pedestrian by comparison.

We fawned over them for the last decade. My how incredible the modern athelete is; how devoted he is to working out with weights and look at the benefits of these incredible workout regiments. Bullshit.

Don't Forget Navratilova

And Martina Navratilova too, while we're at it. If she wasn't beefed up on steroids throughout the eighties then I'm Barry Bonds' uncle, which would make me Willie Mays, whom I'm not. Martina was a middle-of-the-pack tennis player one year, and the next she was built like a man and overpowering all women on the tour with devastating strokes that catapulted her way past Chris Evert to the top of women's tennis.

It wasn't until late in her career, when her game was a step away from retirement, that all of a sudden her hardened man face smoothed out and became womanly. Yet Navratilova bypassed all this wake-up-it's-steroids mania and is regarded as a saint today; one of the truly classy and classic women's tennis players ever. Bullshit. She should give back all her awards and face the same disgrace that Steroid Man and his kind face.

Give 'em back. Give 'em all back Martina. 

And what about Monica Seles, who was stabbed in the back by that German fan who got everything he was after -- propelling Steffi Graf to the top of woman's tennis in the nineties. It's pretty clear to me that neither Seles or Graf were ever on steroids. Really this is a different topic altogether; that of maniacal fans getting away with attempted murder. But still you have to put an asterisk next to the titles Graf won after Seles was eliminated. 

Where Have You Gone, Roy White

It's days like these that I wish Roy White was back in the game. Roy White never took steroids; not with a Barney Fife physique like his. Although Jim Bouton in his book Ball Four detailed major leaguers taking "Greenies" and various other "uppers" and assorted goodies to improve their performance back in the sixties. Ferguson Jenkins has admitted to being high for many of his starts in the seventies, and Doc Ellis said he was high on LSD when he pitched his no-hitter in 1971. Although I'm sure Fergie or Docc weren't looking to improve their performance at the time.

The Beatles wrote Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds while on LSD in the sixties. You might say they were trying to improve their imagination and song writing abilities at the time.

What is the point? There is no point except to say that Jason Giambi is not a bad guy for taking supplements to make himself a better hitter. His statistics are inflated; as phony as a World Wide Wrestling match. But he did hit those two homers off Pedro to help the Yankees win Game 7 of the 2002 Pennant playoffs. You can't take those back.

He is a man of his times. Quite simply, 21st Century Steroid Man.

-- LouV

 

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